Monday Night
Dear Journal,
I thought I would die last night. I thought that was the end. Learning is fun until you learn you have shin splints, something you never knew existed and they hurt the way you imagine broken bones would hurt. I’ve been running in pain for the past one week, I don’t know if I’m worsening the situation by training harder or building the muscle. Whatever is happening, I am still experiencing immense pain.
These past few days have been interesting. I learned what my condition was called; shin splints, I have been getting different recommendations from different people about how to fix them. Nothing has been working. I have been feeling like a lead weight holding the team back on their excellence since I am slower due to the pains I experience whenever I use my legs.
Saturday was worse because I actively could not do much after the first round of practice. My legs were throbbing. I also was the only girl present that day and I felt even more compelled to run faster.
There was no practice Friday and Sunday, I went to the FOX Theatre in St Loius to watch a play called Company. Alex and his family invited me, he got free VIP tickets to the play from his company and we sat like rich folks in the high booth and watched the play. It was amazing. The performance, sound effects, actors, everything, was top-notch.
But as usual, the drive back to my apartment with Alex involved him asking how much I had in my savings account, and proceeding to condemn me when I said over three thousand. “You should have eight thousand saved now.” Yeah Alex, I also wish I was paid enough and could get another job to work more hours and not have to pay so much tuition.
I just know that somehow, I’ll be fine. I will find my way. And I don’t need financial assistance from him. I decided right then during that drive that I was better off spending less time with Alex. And that would be the last time he would ask me about my savings amount and get a response.
However, I need a guarantor to enable me to start paying my rent monthly instead of paying for 10 months at a stretch. And Alex made it clear he didn’t want to be my guarantor, I didn’t ask him either. I just told them about it to let them know that I could pay my rent monthly eventually. I’d rather ask Gilbert to be my guarantor but the lease agents said they preferred someone older. So, I decided to ask Chris.
Last night was when I wanted to ask Chris but my legs started hurting so much I woke up at midnight with tears rolling down my cheeks. I cried silently because I didn’t want to wake my roommates up and my body was too weak to use any energy to cry louder. I struggled and got out of bed to go get water to take ibuprofen. It took me 30 whole minutes which felt like an eternity, to walk out of my bedroom door to the sink and back. I kept falling and trying to get back up.
When I finally took the medicine and started to slowly climb up my bed, my mom called. Perfect timing. I was depressed already and felt so alone, her voice was the brightest ray of sunshine. But, I couldn’t talk much. The pain kept fogging my brain and she was so confused. All she knew was her baby was crying. She later told me today that her whole day was a wreck because of that call. I believe the excessive pain was a result of me doing practically nothing to treat my shin splints and running again the next chance I got. My body went into shutdown mode from all the accumulated pain.
Never again. I’ll rather take countless ibuprofen pills.
