Purple Haze
Dear Journal,
Do you ever think about how mortal we are? Do you ever stop, and I mean stop, and look at the world? Don’t criticize it, appreciate it. Look at humanity and marvel at its imperfect beauty. And no, I’m not high on weed, Susan.
I appreciated the song with the same title as today’s blog post better today. I could be described as a real-life SpongeBob sometimes since I am 90% cheery, and excited, and see the world for the beautiful green planet it is each day. But, today was different: somehow it became more beautiful. I didn’t even think it was possible.
This morning was pretty normal: I woke up after 9 alarms, my feet felt like stones because I fell asleep without socks on, and I took 2 hours to detangle my hair and put on lip gloss.
1:00 pm
American government class was a breeze today; my mind kept wandering to the crowd of dudes I passed by on my way to class. Remember the baseball players’ photoshoot I had agreed to help out with yesterday? Yeah, remember I also said it was no big deal to be surrounded by that much testosterone? Well, I didn’t realize I had been away from my brothers and cousins for a long time, and it’s completely different with guys who weren’t related to you.
Not that I was intimidated or anything, but the brain of a young human is always exerting so many hormones at once. A line from a young adult romance movie said: “You’re the most alive as a teenager.” Why are most young adult-targeted movies about romance anyway? Whatever. I was worried about becoming overwhelmed and either getting extra dull or extremely chirpy.
“What would you do if you got fired for using medical marijuana as a person with special needs who used it to keep the pain bearable?” My teacher’s voice was seeping in through my cloud of thoughts.
Honestly, I don’t look forward to getting a job. I subconsciously recoil whenever I hear teachers talk about job promotions and returning to universities to get more degrees for higher job positions.
Be chill and stop thinking I am one of the complainers of the 9-5 jobs. I don’t even get why people complain about it so much. It has its perks. You have the weekend to yourself, you can afford to pay for your home and car and streaming services. Some workplaces even let you work from home on certain days. That sounds pretty comfortable to me, and I don’t know about you but, I really like comfort.
However, I am one of those people who can’t sit down and watch a TV show without feeling guilty. I have always been a provider, and I love doing it. I want to provide jobs and houses for people (creating a real estate company is one of my biggest dreams), money for the less privileged, and a provider for myself and my loved ones. Hell, my top love language is giving; I want to buy people I care about everything they’ve ever wanted, big or small, expensive or cheap.
But I can’t do all these things with a comfortable job or income meant to take care of myself and my immediate family. I have more work and responsibilities cut out for me, and trust me, it is hard. I want to develop products that actually help people.
Hey! You know what? Write me a list of things that sucked for you as you went about your day today.
2:37 pm
The photo shoot was not as overwhelming as I expected it to be. The guys were being guys, and it wasn’t too different from dealing with my brothers. They brought gym equipment just to mess around with while they got their pictures taken. They brought gigantic cheese and cowboy hats and played guitars. They also took off their shirts and danced around sometimes. Why? Because they’re dudes. I made video recordings and took behind-the-scenes pictures.
5:13 pm
I rode my bicycle around the campus and watched the sunset. I saw the sky turn purple and blue and brown, then beautiful symbols in the sky created by the white smoke left behind by jets. I saw, in the far distance, a young couple walking together towards a car, holding hands. I saw a flock of birds fly by, probably going home.
Standing there next to my bike and looking at these things all at once made me realize how beautiful life and humanity is. Humans have created so much and for the first time, I really felt mortal and grateful. This day would never come back and I will never be this young again. And that was completely okay.
